Lots of people keep calling me a Tory, some jokingly and some serious. This is getting out of hand (I take great offence to being equated with an arch enemy) and I want to explain why coalition government doesn’t make me (or any other Lib Dem) a Conservative douche-bag.

Let’s go over (one more time) the idea of coalition governments, and deal with why Labour can’t take what happened. When no party secures an outright majority, it is up to the party leaders to negotiate (as the Labour, Green and Nationalist parties agreed, in early May at least.) The priority in general is to create a stable-ish government, perhaps based on confidence and supply; a small number of manifesto concessions in exchange for budget votes. However, in a time of crisis (the War, for example) a coalition is formed, so that multiple parties have input into the running of the situation.

Whether or not you accept that the recession/deficit ”crisis” was such an emergency situation, the latter is preferable to the former because stable government means better value for taxpayers; the bond market is nicer to stable governments than it is to unstable ones. For a coalition to be stable, however, each side needs to know that it won something. The Labour party line is that Lib Dems won nothing, and are helping the Tories be Tories just for ministerial car perks. This is utter nonsense; Lib Dem MPs and Peers would not have voted for this coalition (no votes against, only abstentions) if they didn’t think we had made significant ground.

So why are Labour so insistant? I think the problem is that the Labour party always thought of the “Liberals”, especially after the merger with a Labour splinter group, as a subset of the Labour party. Rebellious, a bit posh, but ultimately socialists deep down, and would only ever side with Labour in a hung parliament. When we negotiated with the Tories, the things we won weren’t things that Labour value; greater personal freedoms and the repeal of state-terror laws, more efficient public services run by people on the ground rather than known-it-alls in Whitehall, a fairer voting system (Labour do the best out of the current status quo,) an elected House of Lords.

These are things that matter a great deal to people who value the fair distribution of power and influence, as well as the fair distribution of wealth, but mean nothing to the power hoarding nonsense-garbling New Labour behemoth. The Lib Dems are in this coalition because the things we won are important to us; just as important as social justice. Labour don’t believe us because they don’t agree.

I will oppose many of the things this Government will do, just as I have opposed some of the Lib Dem leadership’s actions and all the Tory nonsense-mongering in the past — however well Clegg does in taming the Cameron in the next few months or years he still won’t be able to herd this cat! — but, sorry Labour, I will be remaining a Lib Dem because constructive dissent, a good debate and a real argument are what my party is all about. I can quite happily pay my membership subs and deliver focus leaflets while disagreeing with some words or actions of some members; because my voice counts too. If I were to join the red team, I would be drowned in the all consuming ridiculousness that your local members have to put up with; I would no longer be allowed to speak at conference, I would be persecuted by local party officials, and I would be denied access to an affiliated trade union because I work on the wrong side of the arbitrary tribalist barriers erected for some parts of some companies, sometimes.

No thanks, I’m a Lib Dem.